I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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