FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
