Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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