My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
