What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Terrible idea I love it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your penis caused this!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
