she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
