No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
