You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
