this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
