i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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