We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
