I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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