The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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