Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
