I want to make a zoo with you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
