i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
