Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
