the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
