I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
