He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
