Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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