ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
