I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
