I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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