Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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