I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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