we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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