I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
