I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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