my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
