Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
