I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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