that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
