You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
