OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
