i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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