Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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