She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had to cum in my sink.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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