So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
