You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
