I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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