he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
