You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
