stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
