Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
