Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
