The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
