Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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