i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
