Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
