Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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