Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
