So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
