I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
